Recently, I went to a movie I REALLY wanted to see…so badly, in fact, that I went by myself. The movie was one that would have appealed to many teenagers, whom I have a general distaste for these days. Choosing to see this movie in the afternoon and during the week gave me a pretty good chance of dodging the crowds (the movie just premiered) and the unruly teenagers. I was, however, taking a gamble at the 2:30 PM time slot as the high school up the hill from the theater had just let out. I don’t think I need to express my joy when I walked into the theater to see only two other people in there who were also “flying solo.” My heart dropped a little after I sat down because a group of about six or seven teenage boys and girls walked in and sat RIGHT behind me, bumping into my seat in the process (I had airplane flashbacks). I had naturally chosen the best seat in the house, smack dab in the middle and remember that there were only like two other people in there so that group had the ENTIRE theater of seats to choose from and they chose to sit behind me. (Yes, insert an eye-roll here.) Due to my excellent time management skills, I had arrived a tad early to the movie so I was given the wonderful opportunity to listen to their teenage banter. The idea that, ten to fifteen years ago, that probably would have been me was not lost on me…but I’m an “old lady” now and teenagers piss me off as a general rule. Hell, they pissed me off even when I was a teenager. They had every right to talk and chat (they weren’t being obnoxious) as the movie hadn’t started and I had no choice but to sit there and listen (and laugh). (I was impressed and very pleased when they managed to keep their pie holes shut for the entire movie.) I was even serenaded by a couple of them singing along to a new Taylor Swift song that was emanating from the theater speakers (and not at any volume that would have been acceptable to me).
As I listened to this group, I actually found myself grumbling about the price of movie tickets nowadays. I realized that I had just paid $8.75 to see a matinee. I was all, “Back in my day [I quickly chastised myself for saying something I told myself I would never say], my mom could give me ten bucks and that got me into a matinee AND bought me a meal at McDonald’s after.” As the pre-previews were rolling to Taylor Swift’s sweet voice, a few more people trickled in but I would say that there couldn’t have been more than twenty of us in there, if even that. I was quite pleased with the turn out and I even got to enjoy my rule that states no one is allowed to sit directly on either side of me…the one-seat-in-between-each-party rule. I then gave another “back in my day” speech when the screen lit up with a message telling us to not use our cell phones or text during the movie. “Back in my day, we were only told to sit down and shut up…”Silence is golden.”…none of this ‘no texting’ crap.” I was going to then throw my popcorn (I didn’t actually have any…I probably would have raised the national debt average had I purchased some) at the guy way down front as he was playing Words With Friends on a very bright phone. “Dude! They just told you to put that shit away…DO IT!” After the movie started, a couple (who clearly lacked time management skills) came in and sat down on my left yet obeyed the one seat rule…but that was not enough to prevent the smell of cigarette smoke emanating off of their clothing. I wasn’t pleased by this (I don’t like stinky people/things…who does?). The chickadee further cut her life expectancy short when she started using her cell phone after the movie started. Apparently, since she had come in AFTER being asked to not use her phone, thus missing the announcement, she was exempt from having to conform. I used The Force and eventually got through to her. I was not subjected to pre-movie previews…the movie started immediately which pleased me greatly.
The movie was awesome and I lived happily ever after (well…not really, but it’s “the end” of the story…it seemed appropriate).