I write down what I think instead of saying it out loud so that I don’t cause harm to myself or others. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. Oh wait, that’s me.
I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depression and anxiety. I am a textbook Type A personality and OCD to the core. I have recently
been kicked out of “graduated” from group therapy that was DBT-focused. (Google is a wonderful tool…use it if you don’t know what something is.) So now, my treatment involves just individual one-on-one therapy.
Ladies and gentlemen: the stories you are about to read are true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Certain names, locations and identifying characteristics have been changed. Dialogue and events have been recreated from memory and, in some cases, have been compressed to convey the substance of what was said or what occurred.
This is my journey. I have chosen to “put myself out there” for a few reasons. 1) I love to write and journal and while it’s a great form of personal therapy, I found myself wanting to share my stories and experiences rather than keep them to myself. 2) I hope that someone stumbles upon my blog at some point and something I said somewhere made a difference for them and/or impacted their life in a good way. 3) This is an experiment to see if people like my writing as much as some people in my life have told me they do. In the far depths of my mind, I wonder if I have what it takes to become a published author some day.
Some things I write will be funny. Some things I write will be thought-provoking. Some things I write will be sad. Some things I write will be triggers for some people. This blog is not going to be solely about all of the crappy things that have happened in my life or about all of the poor choices I have made. Despite the degradation of my sanity at the present moment, I do still posses the ability to smile and laugh. In fact, it is one of my favorite things to do. I invite you to join me in my laughter and also to join me in my sadness (but you don’t have to if you don’t want to). I also love music and when words fail, music speaks. You will find many posts about songs and their meaning to me.
My tough talk is, at times, just an act. I’m actually a very fragile and sensitive nutjob who can read criticism into the morning weather report. You are allowed to think what you want to think and judge what you want to judge but I will not tolerate any hate posted via comments. I have enough people in my life berating and invalidating me; I don’t need strangers hiding behind the safety of a computer screen to do it. If you like me, walk this road with me. If you don’t like me, there’s an X button in the top right corner of your screen…click it. If you do end up liking me, please share my page.
If you ever have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. You can ask me here or send me a personal message at firstname.lastname@example.org. I myself am that proverbial preschooler who incessantly asks, “Why?” so I welcome any and all questions. If I don’t want to answer one, I will politely tell you so.
Lastly, I like four-letter words. A LOT. So if you are easily offended or don’t like four-letter words, I would strongly encourage you to just stop reading now. I curse because 1) I fucking can and 2) I fucking want to.